Every relationship faces conflict, but few couples have the tools to navigate it effectively.
Enter Cool It!, a breakthrough relationship game created by Andy Chaleff that’s transforming how partners approach disagreements. As the author of The Connection Playbook, Chaleff has developed a playful yet powerful tool that turns challenging moments into opportunities for deeper connection.
“I’ve witnessed firsthand how thoughtfully approached conflict can open doors to profound understanding,”
says Chaleff, reflecting on his path to creating Cool It!. After years of counseling couples, he recognized a crucial gap – while many relationship resources focus on positive moments, couples desperately needed guidance for navigating the tough ones.
“Real growth happens in challenging conversations,” Chaleff explains. “I wanted to create something that acknowledges relationship building is a journey, not an overnight transformation.”
The game’s core consists of 40 carefully crafted scenario cards that mirror real-life relationship challenges. Each card serves as a conversation starter, allowing couples to practice handling difficult situations in a low-pressure environment.
The scenarios tackle common relationship friction points with nuance and depth:
“Your partner made weekend plans without checking with you first.”
This scenario explores boundaries, communication expectations, and the delicate balance between independence and partnership.
“During an argument, you feel your partner is dismissing your perspective.”
Players practice active listening techniques and learn to express feeling unheard without escalating tension.
“You’re going through an intense work period and feel your partner doesn’t understand.”
This situation helps couples develop empathy and concrete ways to show support during stressful times.
“An unexpected expense reveals different approaches to financial decisions.”
Partners learn to discuss money matters productively, focusing on shared goals rather than blame.
What sets Cool It! apart is its emphasis on practical application. Rather than presenting abstract concepts, each scenario offer couples the chance to develop real-world communication skills. “We designed these scenarios to reflect situations couples encounter daily,” says Chaleff. “The goal isn’t to provide theoretical solutions but to help partners discover what works for their unique relationship.”
The game acknowledges a fundamental truth about relationships: conflict itself isn’t the problem – it’s how we handle it that matters. “Cool It! isn’t about eliminating disagreements,” Chaleff notes –
“It’s about transforming them into moments of connection through curiosity and compassion.”
Real Tools, Not Theories
In creating Cool It!, Chaleff prioritized accessibility. The game’s straightforward format makes it approachable for any couple, regardless of their communication background or relationship experience. This accessibility is particularly valuable given how many couples struggle to find practical relationship resources that don’t feel overwhelming or clinical.
What makes Cool It! particularly effective is its rejection of the “perfect relationship” myth. Instead of promising conflict-free harmony, it embraces the reality that all relationships face challenges. The game provides a framework for couples to work through these challenges together, strengthening their bond in the process.
How It Works: The Flow of a Round
For couples seeking to enhance their relationship or develop healthier communication patterns, Cool It! offers a unique blend of structure and flexibility. It’s more than just a game – it’s a toolkit for building a stronger, more resilient partnership through the art of constructive conflict.
Watch the full gameplay walkthrough here
Here’s how it unfolds:
1. Begin with the Vowel Card – Partners center themselves by reading four grounding statements aloud.
2. Pick Two Scenario Cards – One partner chooses two prompts, selects the one with more charge, and reads it aloud.
3. Assign Roles – The couple decides who plays which role and begins the interaction.
4. Navigate the Moment – As the conversation unfolds, partners can use a Dynamic Shifter Card to keep things flowing when tensions rise.
5. Evaluate – Both silently select an Evaluation Card to reflect on how it went. If they match, place it in agreement. If not — “beg to differ.”
6. Reward the Effort – Each round ends with a Reward Card — an invitation to celebrate the progress and reconnect.
From Cards to Connection 💞
Leading up to the launch, Chaleff will share daily relationship tips corresponding to each of the game’s 40 scenarios on Substack (LoveAndFriction). These practical insights will give couples a preview of the game’s approach while providing immediately actionable advice for common relationship challenges. “Each tip is like a mini-lesson in connection,” says Chaleff. “They’re designed to give couples tools they can use right away, whether they’re dealing with communication barriers, emotional needs, or day-to-day conflicts.”
Support the Kickstarter
Cool It! launched on Kickstarter on May 27th, 2025. This innovative relationship tool will be available for early backers who want to transform how they navigate conflict with their partner. As part of the launch, Andy has created several add-ons, including a course valued at $299 on how to improve your skills in arguing, using AI tools that he has spent over a year programming. This is included free with the purchase of the deck, which is priced at $24.99.